President School

Another "translation": the current Bush-war-inspecttions game.

TEACHER: So far, George, you're failing the test.

BUSH: What do you mean? I'm pointing out the facts.

TEACHER: You mean the empty warheads? You're going to kill a million people over empty warheads?

BUSH: I need a few clues.

TEACHER: When you take a test, you have to fill in the answers yourself.

BUSH: Yeah, but you could help me. My family is paying for this school.

TEACHER: Uh...yes. You could get the CIA to invent some facts for you.

BUSH: We're trying that, but so far all I get is this stuff about weapons inspectors who won't leave the country to talk to us.

TEACHER: Can't you plant some germs there?

BUSH: We and the Germans shipped them the germs in the first place.

TEACHER: How about sending in a special ops team to gas some people and blame it on Saddam?

BUSH: Too obvious. This is a hard test. I need at least a B.

TEACHER: Just keep calling Saddam a trickster.

BUSH: That's what I AM doing. And my poll numbers keep going down.

TEACHER: Say that Iraq is a very big country. It's easy to hide things.

BUSH: Yeah, I'm doing that too.

TEACHER: I'm trying to help you.

BUSH: You're holding back something. I need that B real bad.

TEACHER: I'm trying to get you to do this yourself.

BUSH: I need help!

TEACHER: That's cheating.


TEACHER: You just misspelled that. It's a capital S.

BUSH: Help me out here.

TEACHER: A US plane flies over the country and it's shot down.

BUSH: I thought of that. But everybody would say we staged it.

TEACHER: Your time is almost up.

BUSH: Okay...just let me think. How about I attack?

TEACHER: What do you mean?

BUSH: I attack and...then I say I wouldn't have attacked unless I had a good reason.

TEACHER: You want a B for that?

BUSH: Sure. I attack, and then I say that proves I had a reason.

TEACHER: I don't know, George.

BUSH: Yes. It'll work. Just give me the B now and tell everyone I did real well.

TEACHER: No, you have to do well and then I give you the B.

BUSH: Give me the B.

TEACHER: Think about your education initiative, George.

BUSH: You give me the B, I attack, and then I win.

TEACHER: That's backwards.

BUSH: Don't call me backwards.

TEACHER: I didn't mean it that way.

BUSH: Where's Cheney?

TEACHER: San Diego.

BUSH: What's he doing in San Diego?

TEACHER: Raiders-Tampa Bay.

BUSH: I'm going to attack. Saddam is evil.

TEACHER: There are lots of evil people.

BUSH: They don't all have oil.

TEACHER: I hope you didn't write that down.

BUSH: Why can't I just say we want the oil?

TEACHER: We've been all through that before.

BUSH: This is a hard test. I'm going to attack.


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