Emperor Wears No Clothes

WASHINGTON * At today’s press conference, President Bush appeared totally naked. Vice-President Cheney and Secretary of State-to-be Condolezza Rice were quick to praise the president on his wonderful new clothes. “I think the president looks absolutely great!” Mr. Cheney said. “The President’s stunning look signifies a new era in American politics. His new clothes fit him perfectly,” Secretary Rice told reporters.

Embarrassed White House correspondents tried diligently not to mention the fact that Mr. Bush was stark naked * and apparently pretty cold.

But the President brought the issue to the forefront when he asked one of the press corps in his characteristic drawl, “Don’t I look good? I’m really stylin’ in my new clothes today, huh?”

An odd scene unfolded when a group of school children, apparently on a field trip to the nation’s capital, were ushered in to the room. One of the children, clearly shocked by the president’s appearance, asked her teacher, “Why is the President naked, Mrs. Hoover?”

The chamber fell awkwardly silent for a moment, but Secret Service agents quickly surrounded the little girl and tackled her to the ground. After being tased repeatedly, she was subdued and hauled away in handcuffs, crying for her ‘mommy’.

“Must’ve been one of them liberal wackos,” Mr. Bush sneered, much to the delight of the adoring media. The naked president then ordered that the girl’s entire class be removed to the ‘Free-Speech’ zone, located in the neighboring state of Virginia.

It was later announced that the offending child had been taken to Guantanamo Bay Naval Station, where she is currently being held without charge. Thank goodness we can all sleep safely tonight.

Jason D

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